Bisexual Stories: How This Writer Is Ending The “It’s Just A Phase” Concept

The world can be a tough place! That’s why WRUW commits to finding stories that everyone can relate to. No one is alone in this world, and everyone deserves love and more importantly, self love. For our latest in bisexual stories, we found out how Macey Lavoie from HelloGiggles conquered being true to herself, all while facing major challenges along the way.

I remember blurting it out in a spurt of courage that burned my chest, and I expected my supportive mother to merely shrug her shoulders and tell me it was okay. After all, to me, it was as simple as liking a girl instead of a boy.

Instead, she said, “You’re in high school, it’s just a phase.”

Her words made me clam up, and while I never agreed with her response, it did stop me from bringing up my bisexuality again.


Bisexuality, specifically, has been characterized as a passing phase in the media and in real life. Until recently, I never saw television shows that openly acknowledged that ideology as problematic. A January episode of Grown-ish, however, expertly challenges these misconceptions about the community when a bisexual character, Nomi, stands up to a lesbian who accuses her of merely “going through a phase.” Later, Nomi herself meets a man who identifies as bisexual and becomes uncomfortable with his sexuality, asking him if it was just a “one-time thing” — or just a phase. These myths cause many people to internalize biphobia, as the Grown-ish episode demonstrates.

When Rita Ora’s song, Girls came out, Hayley Kyoko went forward on this very topic.

“I literally have a knot in my stomach right now. To be clear, I fully support other artists who freely express themselves and applaud male and female artists who are opening up more and more about their sexual identities,” stated Hayley.
“But every so often there come certain songs with messaging that is just downright tone-deaf, which does more harm than good for the LGBTQ+ community. A song like this just fuels the male gaze while marginalizing the idea of women loving women. I know that wasn’t the intention of the artists on the song. But it’s the lack of consideration behind these lyrics that really get me. I don’t need to drink win to kiss girls; I’ve loved women my entire life. This type of message is dangerous because it completely belittles and invalidates the very pure feelings of an entire community. I feel I have a responsibility to protect that whenever possible. We can and should do better.”
We couldn’t have said it better, Hayley.

Macey goes on to explain in her article, how the entertainment world is confusing. We have learned so much from others “bisexual stories.” Media and shows don’t take someone’s identity serious enough. Acting like someone needs to test drive or try on in order to know is not right! The media has played a major role in this – no one needs to explain how they feel. I am straight. If I tell my friends I like someone, they don’t ever question my sexual attraction to them. Unless of course, they are a total dick and my friends are voicing it’s a f*** boy. Double standards is W-R-O-N-G. Macey even makes a valid point when asking us all, how many times have we seen a straight woman want to convince a gay guy to sleep with her … ???

How can people in this community feel comfortable coming out? There are so many messages telling them that their emotions and experiences aren’t real. This “phase” ideology impacts members of the LGBTQ+ community who are struggling with their sexuality — people like me.

Years after I first came out as bisexual and my mother dismissed me, I came out to my family for the second time.

I’d graduated college, was more independent and had been in a long-term relationship with a woman for years. The “phase” I was going through had only continued. It was a lasting aspect of myself, an identity that I wanted people to know and accept. By coming out again, I  put my foot down about who I am and challenged other people’s beliefs about me. Since then, I have a much better, more honest relationship with my mother. She respects and accepts my relationship. Instead of talking about “phases,” we talk about when I’m going to get married.

When LGBTQ romances are portrayed as mere growing pains or experimentation in movies, music, and television, it does a disservice to those who need to see themselves represented in the media. And, not as a punch line or just a coming-of-age right of passage. In a world where more people are identifying as LGBTQ+ than ever before, we need to see well-rounded characters and relationships that reflect the diverse world we live in.

In a world where more people are identifying as LGBTQ+ than ever before, we need to see well-rounded characters and relationships that reflect the diverse world we live in.

We loved Macey’s story and it’s why we chose it for our bisexual stories edition. We especially loved the importance of what she’s saying – and the world needs to listen. Questioning someone’s sexuality is not your right. If someone is opening up to you, support them, love them no differently, and do not challenge their feelings. See Macey’s full story and how she feels about the media’s light on bisexuality, here.

 

By Staci Wuokko