WRUW Investigates: How Important is Chemistry in Dating?

You just started dating this new guy. He’s nice, funny, makes you feel adored and respected, has a good job, educated, and meets all other criteria just about good enough for your mom to be planning you guys’ future wedding. But, something is missing. Your stomach doesn’t do backflips when you see his iMessage notification. You don’t get butterflies when you look into his eyes. You don’t get the urge to kiss him mid-sentence. Why?

I’ve always heard the multiple different sayings about how the guy you’re looking for may be under your nose, or how the best relationships are formed from platonic friendships. While there are layers to those beliefs, I took it with a grain of salt. However, the thought has always stayed in the back of my mind.

I attempted to test this theory as I accepted a date with a male friend who I haven’t really let escape from the friend zone, which I resent has a bad connotation. Just because a man and a woman have a relationship that is not romantic, it doesn’t have to be any less as important as any same-sex friendship. But anyway…

Since my guy friend and I already have a fun and respectable platonic friendship, I figured I’d change my attitude, and approached the date from a romantic POV. He had no idea of my new-found outlook, of course, because telling a guy you’re ‘just trying him on’ isn’t very PC. Plus, I already know for sure that his interest is there, but wasn’t completely sure of mine so I kept it shut. We shared a kiss at the end of the night and by the next day, I realize that it will just never happen. I just didn’t feel it, it wasn’t memorable and it’s not something you can force.

It seems that women are made to feel guilty for not always liking the guy who likes us. After kissing a certain amount of frogs, we end up believing that the ”okay” guy is the one. We’re burdened with the thought of being alone for a little while longer, so we settle. Because of course, finding someone who checks off most (because humans will human and no one is perfect)of your boxes and makes you feel things is unrealistic.

I believe settling in any form is cheating yourself, and it’s important to realize the difference between settling and compromising. What I’m even more confident in feeling now is that I would much rather be single than in an unhappy relationship. I don’t plan on being an average person, so I won’t settle for anything less than soul-fulfilling.